I read an post by someone who thought the phrase, “Two steps forward and one step back” was lazy and lacking in empathy. I suppose just saying “life sucks” would be considered the height of selfishness. I agree there are levels of disaster where both sayings constitute a way to dismiss someone’s misery. If my buddy’s wife dies I will certainly not be telling him, “Well, you know we all die. Life sucks”. However, there is a wisdom in the first phrase that the writer I mentioned earlier seems to not find impressive.

“Two steps forward and one step back” is an acknowledgement that you have actually completed some steps towards your goal. Some actions that you were trying to achieve, trying to make work, have been accomplished. Rejoice, change has come: the baby has arrived; you’ve quit smoking; she found the love of her life; my boyfriend started wearing a beard. These are all great things.

Now we have set up the pedestal, put shiny bright things on it, covered them with glitter, and sat down to admire them. Invariably, the wind will rise. The clouds will fill with dark water and let the floods rip. Your shiny things will be de-glittered by a thousand points of sharp rain and lighting will crack the pedestal.

I agree that we need time to mourn any loss. Grieving can be complicated and, face it, it never ends. I will never stop missing my mother, my grandparents, several aunts and uncles, and a few good friends. They are not in my sight anymore and I miss them. I miss the two cats, Mickey and Domino, I grew up with.

Grieving for non-people, for the events that seemed to take place but have been shown to be somewhat of an illusion, can catch us in a ruminant cycle. We can go on forever about our betrayals. I could mourn the future I once thought I was making with my ex. I could sit with my empathetic friends and cry for a very long time, as I have friends who are patient and kind. I would bore them to death but no one would tell me. They know pain, too. They know it’s hard in this multiverse.

Here, saying the whole proverb, “Two steps forward, one step back”, would be a useful reminder of several facts. One, I did find love. I and my ex-boyfriend opened up, were vulnerable, shared ourselves. I/We accomplished something. I moved two steps beyond where I was before. I don’t need to lose the openness I learned to embrace. Two, there was a misstep in the plan. We had the one step back, very back, i.e., he felt the need to go somewhere else. What I learned is mine forever. Take the two steps and one back and add them to your story, your book. Embrace them. They are part of you.

At some point, I hope one of those beautiful friends of mine would take me aside and tell me this phrase, this proverb, this cliché that has been maligned. They might not say the exact words but the meaning is something we all need to keep close to our hearts, our souls, and in our minds. We stumble. We go down the wrong path at times. We never walk a straight and narrow. And that’s ok. The important thing is that we walk, always, following our thoughts, our curiosity, regardless. Don’t let one setback pull you off that path. Because it’s two steps forward and one step back for us all.

At some point, I hope one of those beautiful friends of mine would take me aside and tell me this phrase, this proverb, this cliché that has been maligned. They might not say the exact words but the meaning is something we all need to keep close to our hearts, our souls, and in our minds. We stumble. We go down the wrong path at times. We never walk a straight and narrow. And that’s ok. The important thing is that we walk, always, following our thoughts, our curiosity, regardless. Don’t let one setback pull you off that path. Because it’s two steps forward and one step back for us all.